Thursday, January 22, 2009

Saving My Mother From One Night's Pain

Dear God,
If you have any room up there, I'm asking you, better yet, I'm begging you to please stretch your hand down and take me. Take me right now. I don't know what I've done to deserve this. Nothing. I promise, I've done everything you asked me to. I've done everything he asked me to. And Lord I know that he's my father, but I know this is not what fathers do to daughters. Or fathers do to mothers. And I know I'm only 12, there is no other reason to live life. Every night it's the same thing, but tonight was.... ummm, I'm shaking now. Uhhh. I just don't think I can leave this bathtub. And face one's face. Mother has knocked on the door 10 times already. I couldn't face her. No. She just got back from a long shift at the hospital. I couldn't tell her what daddy did to me. She never told me what he did to her.I never asked, but I knew. All them damn drunken nights he had. She always asked him to stop, but all I ever heard was screaming. Banging. Broken lamps. The first time, I went to the door and saw mommy crying on the bed while daddy continued to slammed her down. Once, I tried to get him off her, but he just pushed me off. Mommy told me to go my room and close the door. Maybe daddy remembered that time and punished me tonight. It was my turn. His footsteps crept up the steps and I rushed to the end of my bed. As he got closer to my room, I heard his breath on the door. Spills of whiskey. I grabbed the covers and went under the bed. He slammed the door open. "Caroline!,"he screamed. "She's not hear daddy," I pleaded. The shadow of his big work boots touched my neck, as I pulled the covers more over my head. I remember the touch of his fingertips on my legs. He yanked me from under the bed. With my eyes close, tears my face down to my neck. As he positioned himself in me, I screamed for help. Thunder pounded my window and lighting struck the glass,while rain poured heavily. After the storm was over he picked up his whiskey and left.
I've been laying in this bathtub for 3 days now. I've scrubbed and scrubbed, but he still leaves a stain. A permanent one. So Lord as I pray to you again, I'm not only asking you, but telling you to save me right now. And although I have saved my mother from one night's pain, my identity has been taken, respect, and he took my name.

Lost life

No comments:

Post a Comment