If she was a girl
I wouldve name her Leyla
and a boy, maybe after you
I wasnt ready for no baby
That day I felt so blue
Because for once
I wanted to take responsiblity for the things I do
And maybe should have you

I met this girl named Kayla
She said this was her fourth time
and then this girl next to her
she said her friend had nine
Children that was, but only three survived

So Leyla because Of Kayla
She became a friend
And from looking through her eyes
It made me realize
That you were never satisfied
And despite
the LIES
CRIES
and WHYS
I could've been your wife
A good one for life

On our way in, the priest greeted us
He tried to give me the pamplet that read,
"Dont kill your child, they could make your world shine."
But I didn't pick it up
I saw it on the floor
As you pulled by arm
And said, "Don't look back, just think of all the things we lack."

BACKKK

It's been a minute since I uploaded my last blog post, but I'm back and hopefully I'll be BACK!! Just been quite busy, school and working. Been writing songs now-a-days...I gotta lot ishhh on my mind, so it makes it easyyy for me to just goooo FLOWWWW....

I was on the bus on my way to school and this just spitted out of my mind...(No this is not a song, just a regular poem) This goes out to KAYLA..

SOB's presents, Teedra Moses

Last night, I had the pleasure to watch the lovely soultrist/ songstress, Teedra Moses and her live band at SOB's in New York City. She performed some of my favorite songs including, "Be Your Girl", "Take Me", "Complex Simplicity" and "No More Tears". She also performed, "Kool" off her latest mixtape, "Lionhearted Young Hustla."

She is really a piece of artwork. Words can't express her talent, except that she's sings better in concert, which is only positive on her end.

Back to Black

Some pics from a shoot yesterday. Brooklyn. Photographer: Shannon.

Decided to change my hair color back to black for now because I honestly getting tired of the different shades of colors in my hair. Besides, I just wanted my eyebrows to match my hair.

Men are def more emotional than women, they just express it differently. Women cry. Men fall too deep. Way too deeeeepp. I just want a man that I can be his best friend before I love him. A man who will not say I LoVE You, before we actually start dating. I wan't to be able to say Ilike you before he tells me that he's in LOVE. Ohhh Boy. What can't I love before I get in love? Until that day....i'll keep ya posted

models 5'7 here's your chance.

Tyra Banks just announced on her talk show that she will be doing a season of America's Next TOp Models for girls who under 5'7, only. So if you are over that requirement, you cannot audition. She mentioned that she is trying to help shorter girls break down barriers. Hmmm. A couple of years ago I auditioned for ANTM and was chosen top 12 out of a group of about 100 girls. When they measured my height, they told me I was too short. I was 5'7 solid. THey also told me to try out next season. I never did though. That season Jaslene won, and she's hella tall and SKINNY. The question is now, "Will I try out again with this new requirement for an upcoming season?" HMMMM IDK...but all of you short girls, HERE'S YOur CHANCE. PROVE THAT SHORT GIRLS CAN GRACE THE COVERS OF TOP FASHION MAGAZINES AND KILL THE RUNWAY WITH ATTITUDE AND SPUNK!

Long Hair/ SHort Hair

Oldies but love these: SISTERS

Youtube's singing sensation

Today I recieved confirmation on an interview I will be doing sometime soon, rather sooner than later with youtube singing sensation, Dondria "FatFatt" Fields. FatFatt became the first R&B artist to snag a major recording deal with legendary producer and former president SoSo Island Def Jam, Jermaine Dupri. She is truly a sweet girl and words can not amount to this gracious opportunity she has granted me with. Wish me luck and make sure you check her out on youtube, facebook and myspace!!!!!!

Live.Love.Passion

Ok so yesterday I got my first tattoo. My favorite three words. It reads,"Live.Love.Passion" Passion gives me the strength to live life for love. Its on a place on my body that is dear to my soul. A place, where pics can't be posted. LOL Uhh right. Now the funny thing is when the tattoo artist was drawing my tat, everything was fine, except for when he drew the "love" part. I'm guessing that's where my bone is???!! Right. It still hurts. I guess it's true what they say, "Love does hurt."

Live. Love.Passion

She a BAD B****

Eva Marcille Pigford: She can pull off any look.


Absolutely Gorgeous

Sidenote

He who does not understand the essence and nature of a woman is not who he portrays himself in respect and definition of a true man. As captured in a portrait, it does not indicate real beauty it enhances a temporary feeling and also flaws. It is she who is deliverant and educated through words and thoughts that defines her as beautiful. The choice to love and lust is his decision to fall for beautiful rather than beauty. Her disguise will trap him, but only a real man can peel her camoflauge

***Sidenote****Remember how u used to phone up..u wouldn't say ur name..My memories choke me as my voice becomes hollow...The emptiness stays and clustered with silence..I regain consciousness to blurry visions..Did i leave you a light? Time parts us...Love isn't something you just earn..its deserved....(

Happy Juice

So the last time I was here, my dad got laid off from work. They offered him his job back. Boy were we happy. Come to find out, there was a big confusion at his job. One of the managers made a mistake and wasn't suppose to lay him off. Now, how could a mistake like that be made??? Well honestly, how and why are not really concerns of mine anymore. I'm just happy he got his job back. My brother was considering quitting school to work and help my mom. When I told my dad, he started laughing. But we were serious. No worries for now...we on that happy juice.

True Story:For the price of you, we could hire 2

"For the price of you, we could hire 2." "Two mexicans for half the price we pay you." That's what they told my father today. 15 years on the job, and a man who has only been workin at the company for 4 months, told my dad, a veteran, that they were laying him off. With no compassion or heart. Just business. They would pay each mexican $550 every two weeks. Times 2 =$1,100.00. That's less than what my father bought home every two weeks. Now as a husband, of 6, how does he tell his wife that he just laid off ? How do you tell a wife of 22 years that you will no longer be bringing home a check? My mother doesn't bring home in her pocket as much as my dad did. Yes, she makes more, but she doesn't bring home more. What are we to do now? They don't care that he has 6 kids to provide for. They don't. My father said took a nap and thought he had a bad dream. I even thought I did too. I woke up to a text message from my brother saying," How could they do this, do they not know he has six kids?!" I replied, "Yes, they know, they knew for 15 years. We just got hit with the reality of the recession, better yet the depression. I just hope Obama's plan works........."

We all are the same.

I swear my professor is the coolest. He's dopeeee. We spent the whole 2 hours talking about relationships and marriage. He pointed something out to me: Men and women are alike in many ways. They just go about doing things different. Just think. A lot of girls are attracted to guys that treat them like shit. And no matter how much they know deep down they want better, they keep going back to shit. Pure shit. They like bad boys. Rough. Guys are the same way. They are attracted to women who treat them like shit. The girls who play hard to get. Guys like a challenge. They don't want easy girls, who will slip their panties off in a second. Don't get me wrong, guys will do the girls who are easy, but they aint wifing them. It's crazi, but its true. There is someone out there for everyone!!

Saving My Mother From One Night's Pain

Dear God,
If you have any room up there, I'm asking you, better yet, I'm begging you to please stretch your hand down and take me. Take me right now. I don't know what I've done to deserve this. Nothing. I promise, I've done everything you asked me to. I've done everything he asked me to. And Lord I know that he's my father, but I know this is not what fathers do to daughters. Or fathers do to mothers. And I know I'm only 12, there is no other reason to live life. Every night it's the same thing, but tonight was.... ummm, I'm shaking now. Uhhh. I just don't think I can leave this bathtub. And face one's face. Mother has knocked on the door 10 times already. I couldn't face her. No. She just got back from a long shift at the hospital. I couldn't tell her what daddy did to me. She never told me what he did to her.I never asked, but I knew. All them damn drunken nights he had. She always asked him to stop, but all I ever heard was screaming. Banging. Broken lamps. The first time, I went to the door and saw mommy crying on the bed while daddy continued to slammed her down. Once, I tried to get him off her, but he just pushed me off. Mommy told me to go my room and close the door. Maybe daddy remembered that time and punished me tonight. It was my turn. His footsteps crept up the steps and I rushed to the end of my bed. As he got closer to my room, I heard his breath on the door. Spills of whiskey. I grabbed the covers and went under the bed. He slammed the door open. "Caroline!,"he screamed. "She's not hear daddy," I pleaded. The shadow of his big work boots touched my neck, as I pulled the covers more over my head. I remember the touch of his fingertips on my legs. He yanked me from under the bed. With my eyes close, tears my face down to my neck. As he positioned himself in me, I screamed for help. Thunder pounded my window and lighting struck the glass,while rain poured heavily. After the storm was over he picked up his whiskey and left.
I've been laying in this bathtub for 3 days now. I've scrubbed and scrubbed, but he still leaves a stain. A permanent one. So Lord as I pray to you again, I'm not only asking you, but telling you to save me right now. And although I have saved my mother from one night's pain, my identity has been taken, respect, and he took my name.

Always,
Lost life

Rewind

The hardest part is finding you again
I've looked and looked
but NOTHING.
Nothing compares to something.
I've traced my footsteps
5 times
still
5 different dead ends
One time I met at an intersection
I decided to go left
although right called me
because I went straight for 4 years
and backwards for 2.
Still the same dead end
just painted different.
Should I wait
for you
to press pause on my journey
or continue in this playground of play
while lust haunts me
and emotions tackle me
yet thoughts are forgiven
How do I seek you
where shall I look
Hear my plea
I've been robbed
looking for you
One took my passion
The other my trust
Both stripped my respect
and
HOPE
as i tried
to retain
you,
my love.

Notorious

Bed-stuy, Brooklyn. That's where I'm from. After watching the Notorious B.I.G. movie last night, I have to say I am a proud Stuy Brooklyn-nite. The movie was not only great, but it gave a taste of Biggie's life, highlighting his most memorable experiences. I remember the day after the Soul Train awards when my dad told me Biggie died. "That East Coast West Thing man," he said. I couldn't believe until I turned on the television. There it was. He was right. Biggie was dead. My older sister was in in Junior High School at the time. She attended JHS 113, which is blocks away from the house that Biggie grew up in. Her school let out her out early that day and she witnessed the memorial of BIG when they drove away Brooklyn. She waved her hand with excitement, "R.I.P Biggie," she said. Watch the movie if you haven't already!!

Faceless face

I Don't know who you are,

what's your name

if you have one

how u look

and feel like

when you're laying next to me,

sleep,

or awake,

or in the shower.

the sound of your voice

while you whisper gently in my ear

or make L-0-V-E- to me

calmly

or with full control

the color of your eyes

when they sparkle

as mine fade to dark.

As you kiss me

will you withdraw

or gain

I don't know if you exist

or

a snippet of my fantasy

maybe

reality

Or if I've seen you before

Touched you

Kissed

Talked to.

Faceless mInd,

Thought,

Face

Belief.

Math

Subtract me from the equation
what is your product?
An improper fraction.
that cannot be calculated into a mixed number.
Take away sight from vision
Double negative, huh?
That's what you are
And all you out there
MEN.
Or call themselves men.
or boys.
Useless sperm
That live for no life.
Without me
you
are not
you
or
who you
say you are.
Subtract you from my equation
what is my product?
A whole number.

UHHHAWWWHHHU

My great friend, Troy did this for me....UHAWWHHHUHHH..(I just made up that expression). How sweet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Check it out:

P.S. I'm still not over you

New Year. 09'. Change. Difference. Make-over. When I think about kicking off this new year, these words come to mind: CHANGE, DIFFERENCE, MAKE-OVER. I'm pretty sure many people do as well. I've realized in the past that just because a new year begins and the old one ends does not mean that rapid change will come as soon as the clock strikes 12. "Happy New Year." "My resolution is to lose 15 pounds," or "This year I'm cutting this n***a off."
I even told myself that I wasn't going to call him. 12' oclock came and I didn't dial hit number. A quarter to 1 he calls me, "I just wanted to call you and wish you a happy new year."
I said to myself, "It's a wrap for that, scratch that off my resolution. I already bought the idea of him in the new year. What was I supposed to do, not pick up?
At the end of the day we as humans go right back to what we said we were not going to do in the new year, we bring 08' right in 09'. I don't believe change comes in a new year. We have to change everyday, not because a new year approaches.