Tuesday, January 27, 2009

We all are the same.

I swear my professor is the coolest. He's dopeeee. We spent the whole 2 hours talking about relationships and marriage. He pointed something out to me: Men and women are alike in many ways. They just go about doing things different. Just think. A lot of girls are attracted to guys that treat them like shit. And no matter how much they know deep down they want better, they keep going back to shit. Pure shit. They like bad boys. Rough. Guys are the same way. They are attracted to women who treat them like shit. The girls who play hard to get. Guys like a challenge. They don't want easy girls, who will slip their panties off in a second. Don't get me wrong, guys will do the girls who are easy, but they aint wifing them. It's crazi, but its true. There is someone out there for everyone!!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Saving My Mother From One Night's Pain

Dear God,
If you have any room up there, I'm asking you, better yet, I'm begging you to please stretch your hand down and take me. Take me right now. I don't know what I've done to deserve this. Nothing. I promise, I've done everything you asked me to. I've done everything he asked me to. And Lord I know that he's my father, but I know this is not what fathers do to daughters. Or fathers do to mothers. And I know I'm only 12, there is no other reason to live life. Every night it's the same thing, but tonight was.... ummm, I'm shaking now. Uhhh. I just don't think I can leave this bathtub. And face one's face. Mother has knocked on the door 10 times already. I couldn't face her. No. She just got back from a long shift at the hospital. I couldn't tell her what daddy did to me. She never told me what he did to her.I never asked, but I knew. All them damn drunken nights he had. She always asked him to stop, but all I ever heard was screaming. Banging. Broken lamps. The first time, I went to the door and saw mommy crying on the bed while daddy continued to slammed her down. Once, I tried to get him off her, but he just pushed me off. Mommy told me to go my room and close the door. Maybe daddy remembered that time and punished me tonight. It was my turn. His footsteps crept up the steps and I rushed to the end of my bed. As he got closer to my room, I heard his breath on the door. Spills of whiskey. I grabbed the covers and went under the bed. He slammed the door open. "Caroline!,"he screamed. "She's not hear daddy," I pleaded. The shadow of his big work boots touched my neck, as I pulled the covers more over my head. I remember the touch of his fingertips on my legs. He yanked me from under the bed. With my eyes close, tears my face down to my neck. As he positioned himself in me, I screamed for help. Thunder pounded my window and lighting struck the glass,while rain poured heavily. After the storm was over he picked up his whiskey and left.
I've been laying in this bathtub for 3 days now. I've scrubbed and scrubbed, but he still leaves a stain. A permanent one. So Lord as I pray to you again, I'm not only asking you, but telling you to save me right now. And although I have saved my mother from one night's pain, my identity has been taken, respect, and he took my name.

Lost life

Tuesday, January 20, 2009


The hardest part is finding you again
I've looked and looked
Nothing compares to something.
I've traced my footsteps
5 times
5 different dead ends
One time I met at an intersection
I decided to go left
although right called me
because I went straight for 4 years
and backwards for 2.
Still the same dead end
just painted different.
Should I wait
for you
to press pause on my journey
or continue in this playground of play
while lust haunts me
and emotions tackle me
yet thoughts are forgiven
How do I seek you
where shall I look
Hear my plea
I've been robbed
looking for you
One took my passion
The other my trust
Both stripped my respect
as i tried
to retain
my love.

Saturday, January 17, 2009


Bed-stuy, Brooklyn. That's where I'm from. After watching the Notorious B.I.G. movie last night, I have to say I am a proud Stuy Brooklyn-nite. The movie was not only great, but it gave a taste of Biggie's life, highlighting his most memorable experiences. I remember the day after the Soul Train awards when my dad told me Biggie died. "That East Coast West Thing man," he said. I couldn't believe until I turned on the television. There it was. He was right. Biggie was dead. My older sister was in in Junior High School at the time. She attended JHS 113, which is blocks away from the house that Biggie grew up in. Her school let out her out early that day and she witnessed the memorial of BIG when they drove away Brooklyn. She waved her hand with excitement, "R.I.P Biggie," she said. Watch the movie if you haven't already!!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Faceless face

I Don't know who you are,
what's your name
if you have one
how u look
and feel like
when you're laying next to me,
or awake,
or in the shower.
the sound of your voice
while you whisper gently in my ear
or make L-0-V-E- to me
or with full control
the color of your eyes
when they sparkle
as mine fade to dark.
As you kiss me
will you withdraw
or gain
I don't know if you exist
a snippet of my fantasy
Or if I've seen you before
Touched you
Talked to.
Faceless mInd,


Subtract me from the equation
what is your product?
An improper fraction.
that cannot be calculated into a mixed number.
Take away sight from vision
Double negative, huh?
That's what you are
And all you out there
Or call themselves men.
or boys.
Useless sperm
That live for no life.
Without me
are not
who you
say you are.
Subtract you from my equation
what is my product?
A whole number.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009


My great friend, Troy did this for me....UHAWWHHHUHHH..(I just made up that expression). How sweet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Check it out:

Thursday, January 1, 2009

P.S. I'm still not over you

New Year. 09'. Change. Difference. Make-over. When I think about kicking off this new year, these words come to mind: CHANGE, DIFFERENCE, MAKE-OVER. I'm pretty sure many people do as well. I've realized in the past that just because a new year begins and the old one ends does not mean that rapid change will come as soon as the clock strikes 12. "Happy New Year." "My resolution is to lose 15 pounds," or "This year I'm cutting this n***a off."
I even told myself that I wasn't going to call him. 12' oclock came and I didn't dial hit number. A quarter to 1 he calls me, "I just wanted to call you and wish you a happy new year."
I said to myself, "It's a wrap for that, scratch that off my resolution. I already bought the idea of him in the new year. What was I supposed to do, not pick up?
At the end of the day we as humans go right back to what we said we were not going to do in the new year, we bring 08' right in 09'. I don't believe change comes in a new year. We have to change everyday, not because a new year approaches.